What is the "Lifestyle"?The Lifestyle or Swinging, sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity that can be experienced as a couple. The phenomenon (or at least its wider discussion and practice) may be seen as part of the sexual revolution of recent decades, which occurred after the upsurge in sexual activity made possible by the prevalence of safer sex practices during the same period. The lifestyle today encompasses all ages and ethnic backgrounds. More and more young couples are starting in the lifestyle to spice up there sex life. The Lifestyle has many subgroups but they all can be described in a nut shell as loosing your inhabitations and indulging in your sexual urges. It is common to have fantasies and becoming even more common to act out those fantasies with your loved one. The Grove is a place where you can act out these fantasies in a safe, laid back, no pressure, atmosphere. I have been asked many times "How can you stand to watch your wife have sex with another man?" My answer is all guys watch porn. You married your wife because you think she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Wouldn’t you like to see a porn in person with the best looking woman in the world in it? I know this is kind of a harsh way to describe it. When I see my spouse with someone she is attracted to it really turns me on knowing and seeing how much she is enjoying it. One thing to remember about the lifestyle is that you and your spouse love each other. When either of you is with someone else it is and should be nothing but SEX. After the sex is over you will still love each other. Caney Now we can start Swinging 101 below you will find links to describe just about everything you could ever want to know about the lifestyle. History of the Lifestyle Research into the Lifestyle Activities of the Lifestyle Subgroups of the Lifestyle Bisexualism Polyamory Singles Common responses to objections to the swinger lifestyle Responses to practical objections Responses to moral and philosophical objections History of the Lifestyle Historically, societies who have advocated multiple sexual partners are not uncommon. For example, royalty and nobility in several cultures had both consorts and concubines. Notably, ancient Roman culture is popularly believed to have enthusiastically accepted of orgies and alternative sexual practices. Nevertheless, though contemporary swingers may celebrate these historical ideals, the actual practice of swinging in the 20th century began differently. According to Terry Gould's The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, swinging began among United States Air Force pilots and their wives during World War II. In this small community, the mortality rate among pilots was significantly high. Gould reports that a close bond between pilots arose, with the implication that the husbands would protect and care for all the wives as their own, both emotionally and sexually, if the husbands were away or lost (thus bearing some similarity to levirate marriage). This historical narrative is debatable, however, since it would have been highly unusual for military wives to accompany their husbands on foreign tours of duty. Other sources point to U.S. Air Force pilots stationed in the California desert as the original participants in modern swinging. Though the exact beginnings are not agreed upon, it is widely assumed that swinging began amongst American military communities in the 1950s. By the time the Korean War ended, the practice of swinging had spread from the military bases to the nearby suburbs. The media promptly dubbed the phenomenon wife-swapping. The first swingers' organization, the Sexual Freedom League, began in the 1960s in Berkeley, California, in the sexually liberal San Francisco Bay Area. Ultimately, an umbrella organization called the North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) (now NASCA International) was formed to encourage the dissemination of accurate information about swinging lifestyles across North America. Back to the top Research into the Lifestyle Some subjective scientific research into swinging has been conducted in the United States since the late 1960s. One study, based on an Internet questionnaire addressed to visitors of lifestyle-related sites, found swingers are happier in their relationships as compared to the norm. There was no significant difference between the responses of men and women, although more males (70%) than females completed the survey. ABC News reporter John Stossel produced an investigative report into the lifestyle. Stossel reported that over 4 million people are swingers, according to estimates by the Kinsey Institute and other researchers. He also cited Terry Gould's research, in which Gould concluded that "couples swing in order to not cheat on their partners." When Stossel asked swinging couples whether they worry that their spouse will "find they like someone else better", one male interviewee replied, "People in the swinging community swing for a reason. They don't swing to go out and find a new wife;" while a woman interviewee asserted, "It makes women more confident -- that they are the ones in charge." Stossel interviewed twelve marriage counselors about the lifestyle. According to Stossel, "not one of them said don't do it", though some also said "getting sexual thrills outside of marriage can threaten a marriage". Nevertheless, the swingers whom Stossel interviewed claimed that "their marriages are stronger because they don't have affairs and they don't lie to each other." Back to the top Activities of the Lifestyle Swinging activities may include (but are not limited to): Typically, swinging activities occur when a married or otherwise committed couple engages in sexual activity with another couple, multiple couples, or a single individual. These acts can occur in the same room (often called same room swinging) though different or separate room swinging does occur. On these occasions, swingers will often refer to sex as play. Back to the top Subgroups of the Lifestyle Bisexuality Attitudes to same-sex activity and bisexuality vary by culture and locale, and by gender. As a rule, female bisexuality and bicuriosity are common in both traditional swinging scenes and tend to be the norm amongst participants; by contrast, male same-sex activity has a wider variation in its handling, and may be welcomed, accepted, frowned upon, or forbidden. Swing clubs and other facilities exist for gay and bisexual interests for both genders, but differ – for example bathhouses and the like for gay males, sometimes described as being "controversial" even in the gay community due to safer sex concerns, whereas women's clubs are "comparatively rare" and tend to be organized as private events, or niche clubs with high popularity for their events Back to the top Polyamory Polyamory is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with full knowledge and consent by everyone involved. Poly lifestyles vary, with some being open relationships and others being polyfidelitous Back to the top Singles The acceptance of singles at swinging events varies by geographic area and by event. Some swinging clubs have a policy of allowing only couples and females, but most do allow single men on selected nights. Single females are often admitted at reduced admission price. Parties and private events may differ, however, and are often restricted to couples or couples and single females only. Reasons for the restrictions against single males vary. Most (but certainly not all) of the people who participate in swinger events are male-female couples who are more interested in interacting with other couples (or with single women) than with single men. Thus, swinger events strive to achieve a balance between male and female participants or have a (usually slightly) larger number of females than males. A common complaint among swingers is that single men change the tone and nature of an event. While outright hostility towards single men is rarely prevalent, an abundance of single males is not often looked upon favorably in any swinging context. When single males are permitted, their numbers are usually limited by high entrance fees or stringent membership requirements. Back to the top Common responses to objections to the swinger lifestyle Responses to practical objections Many couples enter into swinging while already in secure relationships, providing an added motivation to avoid excessive sexual health risks. While sexual affairs outside of relationships may be committed in the "heat of the moment" without regard to future consequences, most swingers maintain that sex among swingers is a much more thought-out and practical affair. Many swinging clubs in the US and UK do not have alcohol licenses and have a "bring your own beverage" (BYOB) policy. Also, it is not uncommon for experienced swingers to remain sober; these individuals may consequently state that they take a far safer approach to their sexual health than that of comparable non-monogamous singles (who would ostensibly have impaired judgment from becoming inebriated). Condoms are required at most swinging clubs and parties, unless clearly stated otherwise. In addition, a minority of swingers rely on regular STD testing to ensure their safety. A small portion of swingers alternatively focus on massage and other activities that are unlikely to transmit STDs; however, most participants in a swinging lifestyle acknowledge that they are accepting the same risks that any sexually promiscuous member of society does. Although there is a risk of pregnancy in many cases, there are ways to completely avoid the problem. Some solutions would be neutering at least one gender, or having a group with entirely menopausal women. Some also contend that even without these methods, non-permanent birth control methods are effective enough. Some believe that sexual attraction is part of human nature, and as such, it should be respected and openly enjoyed by a committed or married couple. Some swingers cite divorce data in the US, claiming that the quality (or lack of quality) of sex and spousal infidelity are significant contributing factors in divorce. One study showed that 37% of husbands and 29% of wives admit to having had at least one extramarital affair (Reinisch, 1990), and divorce rates for first marriages approached 60%. As one study asserted: According to King (1996) one of the things that normally occurs in a relationship leading to changes in how we interact with our partners is sexual habituation. At approximately three to seven years into a marriage, it begins to take increased levels of stimulation to produce the same level of sexual excitation previously obtained by a glance or a simple touch. A couple that is receptive to new and different sexual experiences will begin to explore different avenues of shared sexual fulfillment in order to continue to grow together. At this stressful point in marriages infidelity increases and the divorce rate peaks. Couples who find a way to reconnect physically and emotionally are more likely to make it through this period. Swinging may be one creative solution to the problem of habituation – it provides sexual variety, adventure, and the opportunity to live out one's fantasies as a couple without secrecy and deceit. In essence, some swinging couples maintain that by enjoying the very nature of sexuality with one's partner, a great number of marriages and relationships would be saved. Many swingers report that their core relationships are actually strengthened through swinging, and they usually claim that their sex lives are more, not less, intimate and satisfying. Jealousy can occur, but proponents of swinging assert that jealousy is mainly reported among couples whose relationships were already unstable. The effect of swinging on unstable relationships has yet to be conclusively determined. Back to the top Responses to moral and philosophical objections Swingers provide a variety of responses to moral and philosophical objections. As with any group or large enough community, the depth and type of spiritual philosophies among swingers varies greatly. A common response given by swingers to moral and philosophical objections is that there is a difference between having sex and making love. Contradictorily, this is one of the main objections that religious groups have to swinging: namely, that this distinction should not exist. Swingers differentiate between fun and friendship, and the love and companionship provided by their existing relationship. Thus, though swingers may have many sexual relationships, only a single emotional relationship exists. Although many close friendships are formed within the swinging community, swingers often feel that nothing is more important to them than their relationship with their own partner. The intimate friendships formed among swingers strengthen the primary relationship, rather than damage it. Swingers often claim that the sex they have is more intimate (rather than less intimate) because they are with a partner who encourages them to fulfill their fantasies; therefore, the partner is so confident in the relationship that jealousy is not an issue. Swingers also claim that swinging makes infidelity less likely, as they know they can have sexual contact with others with their partner's consent. Various responses exist to those who object to swinging on the basis of their faith. Many swingers feel that their activities in their own homes or private clubs, simply put, are not for others to judge. Others believe that as long as they remain in love and consider their relationships to be sacred, any playing they do does not contradict the sanctity of their relationships, and is consistent with their spiritual values. Back to the top |
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